I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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