If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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