so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
