I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
