I cannot find my penis.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
