I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
