Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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