Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So much rum. So many feels.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
