I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
