I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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