hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
