Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
