I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
