just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
