OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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