All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
