IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Houston, we have a squirter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
