Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
