will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
