and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
