so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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