I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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