I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize