im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize