My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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