bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
