Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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