You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
