i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize