TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
