Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize