Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
