I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
