Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
