Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
