She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
