wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
