whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
