i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
