I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
