I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
