I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
