i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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