This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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