tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
