At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
