do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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