i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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