I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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