it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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