I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
