someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
