I wanna passion pit in your ass
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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