just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
