i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He shit in the fireplace
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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