five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
