But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize