Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it's not cheating when I paid for it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
