An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
