it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
