wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
