Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
