My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
