Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
