No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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