I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
