She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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