Your dad touched me again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
