How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
